Driving You Crazy

Of Mad Men and Crazy Women on the Roads

Last week I asked why the traffic police ever bothered to apologise for the mayhem on the roads. For once I find myself defending them because frankly, theirs is a lost cause. We have many, many madmen and a few crazy women too on the roads. The traffic police identified 60 accident prone zones in the north and 40 in the south, narrowing down the main causes to “rash and negligent driving, over speeding, dangerous overtaking, lane cutting, drunken driving, fault of pedestrians, bad roads, mechanical defects, and stray cattle.” I find five categories missing here; the PWD, the bully government driver, the insensitive taxi driver and the trigger happy truck/utility van driver, 98 percent of whom are migrants who pop in an out of the many cheap bars at regular intervals in the course of work, and/or rich kids whose parents are walking ATMs. Ah, that brings me to Goa’s ubiquitous bars. Somehow this Goan edifice does not figure in the list. Shouldn’t it? Look at the many cars parked outside favourite watering holes on just the one highway itself. In fact rather than the row over late night drinking hours, it should have been about strict closure after 2pm. But that doesn’t happen, so at Gene bar opposite the Goa Institute of Management in Ribandar, for example, no one quits before 4pm which is when the bar shuts down for the afternoon. This is also where quite a few tourists have literally one for the road before driving off to Karnataka! Yet in 2009 ‘under the influence of drinking’ made up a miserly Rs 1,16,200 of the Rs 3,28,25,050 collected as fines by the traffic police. And I almost forgot, the most dangerous of all causes, your friendly neighbourhood MLA who gets hot lined immediately a voter is caught and makes the case go away. Cars with tinted glasses were fined Rs 7,27,700. Improper number plates produced Rs 8,57,900 and then I begin to wonder, is the traffic cop really blameless?

Too Fast Too Furious

That would be the best way to describe many drivers in Goa and yet two-wheel riders collectively paid Rs 75,83,900 for not wearing helmets and drivers without seat belts paid a collective Rs 20,05,700. Dangerous parking, whatever that means earned fines of Rs 18,55,600 while drivers using a mobile while driving paid Rs 8,37,100 in fines. Which you would think would actually run into several crores considering the only ones who don’t mobile-talk and drive are bus drivers simply because they are in such a tearing hurry to get from point A to B, they have no time for chatter. Though, if their vehicles were fitted with power steering, I wonder! Where am I going with this? Apart from those certified mad men on the roads, I am not too sure the traffic police are entirely or even partially blameless.

Right time, right place cops

Rash and negligent drivers paid a fine of Rs 36,71,050 of the total of Rs 3,28,25,050. Add Rs 16,00,100 for over speeding to that and it looks too easy for the traffic police. Look again at all the categories above. It is obvious Goa’s drivers (described here) are just easy prey because they don’t care about getting caught. All that the traffic police have to do is wait for the inevitable to happen, like football strikers, many of whom earn their keep by simply poaching which means to be at the right place, at the right time. Then it’s a matter of a simple tap in. Here’s the evidence. No entry was fined a huge, huge Rs 26,70,450 while wrong turning was fined Rs 2,41,200. More proof. The combination of drinking and driving (Rs 1,16,200), rash and negligent driving (Rs 36,71,050) and over speeding (Rs 16,00,100) toted up to Rs 53,87,350 of the total fines of Rs 3,28,25,050.

Police predators

The police waiting at the right place, at the right time earned them a total of Rs 29,11,650 in fines paid by foolhardy drivers (categories: wrong turn and no entry). Add that figure to fines of Rs 17,19,400 paid by drivers dumb enough to drive without side mirrors, you have a figure of Rs 46,31,050. And remember, this figure has nothing to do with tinted glasses fines (Rs 7,27,700) , improper number plates (Rs 8,57,900), no helmets (Rs 75,83,900), no seat belts (Rs 20,05,700), and dangerous parking (Rs 18,55,600), all of which add up to Rs 1,76,61,850 and does not include that totally uncaring group of drivers driving while using mobiles (Rs 8,37,100). So, it’s really about dumbos dying to get caught and not about the traffic police trying to make our roads safe. There were huge fines paid for driving without tarpaulin Rs 8,79,800, without uniform Rs 6,22,000, violating traffic signals Rs 4,09,000, none of which helped to make our roads safer.

Easy meat

How else would you describe drivers without number plates who contrived to pay Rs 1,73,750 in fines. Lane cutting Rs 2,11,600. Really now, who on Gods’ earth does not know which are the fave spots of the traffic police? A few seconds past the spots they lurk in and you can knock yourself out literally cutting lanes. But no, you can’t wait, can you? Ditto for overtaking Rs 5,97,900. This is a tough one. Driving without proper lights Rs 4,53,450. “Allowing unlicensed to drive” Rs 1,43,050. Another tough one, but if it means allowing your kid to drive, seriously, how dumb can you get? Just pick any lonely village road where you will never find a cop of any kind!

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